( :

I had someone special in my life before, and he was the only one. Time passed so quickly, and 4 years has gone by today without me even noticing. He was my best friend, my everything, and that person, is my Grandad. ( :

..He stole my food that he bought for me
..He taught me how to draw a stick figured chicken
..He and my grandma made me have the fear for spiders
..He taught me how to fish from the drain outside my house

..He taught me how to make a sound thru blowin my 2 closed hands
..He was my company when I was alone
..He lent me his ears when I complained or had no one to turn to
..He lent me his shoulder when I cried

..He held out his hands to pick me up when I fall from my crappy bicycle

..He wiped out the sadness off me when I couldn't even smile

..He gave me everything, and the happiness that no one could've given me

I miss him so much.

I can stare at his picture and think about him for hours and start laughing and crying at the same time. I can talk about him for days without any pause. I stopped so many things that I used to do after he left. Drawing, looking at the moon and the stars till late night, eating peanuts(HAHAHAH) and lots more.

Sometimes I wonder, why did he leave me all alone so early. He promised that he'll be there for my graduation. ( : I had no one after he left. But I guess it's just his time. To end the endless suffering he had before. The sight of him in pain for so long hurts me so much.

I just want another day with him. To tell him about me. To tell him how much I miss him. That I want him back. That I need him.

Pirates of the Carribean!

Lately, I've been coming across some pretty good oldies. That's right..! Oldies Oldies Oldies! Hahaha.. Thanks to the Saturday Night hangouts. ( :

The ones I stalk..

...Doin That Thing You Do

...Take Me to Your Heart

...Paint My Love

...To Be with You

...More than Words

...When You Say Nothing at All

...Tears in Heaven

...My Girl

But the craze of the week??

Little Sungha Jung.

Of all his 'pieces', the one that caught my attention were the 2 songs,

..To be with You
and
..Theme Song of Pirates of the Carribean!!

So, I went searching, and found this guy.
TT
Perfect.!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl0nwqNTZg&feature=related

I know I know.. I'm just being random.

^^

P/s: Doesn't he look like an older version of Orlando Bloom?? ( :

^^

Here I am, staring at the blank screen with a horrifying headache I've been bearing since Friday night. Maybe I'm just too tired. I got so desperate I went asking Ryan for eggs. Heh.

I've been sleeping all day yesterday, and made omelette last midnight. ^^

That was when I saw it snow heavily. I can't help but to put a very wide smile on my face despite the booming in my head.

This is how it looks like outside my room this morning. Still snowing by the way..

Anyways, I've been spending a month before I came here, looking for quotes everywhere possible and writing them down in a book. Something I enjoy besides art. ( :

Here are some I find pretty hillarious

..Nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing for years

..Hardwork never killed anyone, but why take a chance?

..There are no stupid questions, just stupid people!

..Never take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

..It is simple to be wise. Just think of something to say and don't say it.

"Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown..

BUT

It takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that Son of a Gun upside the head!"

^^

I've been wanting to blog about so many things all the time. It gets really frustrating when I end up staring at the blank screen for hours. Sometimes, I'd finish 1 paragraph, knowing what to write and all. THEN, I'd delete the whole thing. Why? Coz after that one paragraph, I wouldn't know how to continue. Lots of deep thoughts in my mind about lots of different matters, waiting for me to type it out on the screen. But most being emo and filled with curiousity. I'd pull back the desire to blog about it because if I do, my blog would be as gloomy as before. Sigh..

I guess I shall return to my peanut butter sandwich. Hm..

Finally ( :

Finally an update. Gah.. Been procrastinating for quite some time now..

Recently, I've been lying on my bed, thinking about the past that I've tried not thinking about for half the year. I know. Stupid me. Hahah.. It was then I realised, how stupid I was for making those mistakes. Mistakes that I've sworn not to do. The thoughts of the past are haunting me again.

I spent the whole year being sad for someone who doesn't deserve me at all, hurting the ones who cared for me, to see me that hurt and sad almost all the time. I didn't get to choose. I didn't know how, and I didn't know what to do. That person wiped the smile off my face, and I let it happen.

Used to blog about everything that came to my mind, the anger and the disappointments I had towards life, that it made my blog turn dark and gloomy. Pity the readers I had before. But I can't help it. I guess it's easier to open up to a blog rather than to someone?

I'm now settled here. Kursk, Russia. So far away from home, away from everything that I tried running away from. Friends of mine suggested a title for my new public blog, Greenfield. They quote,

"The grass is always greener on the other side"

Prolly. ( :

One mistake I knew I made after a month plus that I've been here, is that I made the wrong choice for being here. Medicine. But there's no turning back now. I'll have to go on until the end, even without the slightest thought of me being successful in gaining victory over this tiny challenge.

Things hasn't been going well at all for me this month. As much as I hope that this nightmare would end, I know it'll never end. I'm stuck.

I met new friends here, catching up with a childhood buddy, learnt how to cook and everything else. I appreciate the ones who I've met here. Even so, I'll never forget those who've been there for me along the way. Though we're separated by distance, our hearts still connect. As long as we know that we're okay in different parts of the world, it already means more than enough.

I realised, that I feel empty. Have you ever felt so lonely eventhough you're surrounded by millions of people everyday? Sometimes, I do. ( : I would turn back time if I could.

P/s: Missing everyone back home. Not easy adapting to a new place without yal. I can't wait to be in Penang and Sabah when I get back. Laksa on me aight?

Love,
Steph

Pisang